A Wolf In Pink Clothing
by Sehanine
Summary: When Dolores Umbridge woke up in the body of a disgusting half-breed, she knew it couldn't possibly go well.


A.N: Written for the Finals Round 2 of the QLFC.

Team: Pride of Portree

Position: Keeper

Prompt: Bodyswap story.

Thanks to Corvusdraconis, Story Please and Serpentine13 for editing.

* * *

It would be an understatement to say that Dolores Umbridge had been having a bad week. The Weasley twins had wreaked havoc throughout the castle and had not even had the decency to stick around long enough to be punished. Argus was sulking about not getting the chance to use his beloved torture devices. The staff were being purposely unhelpful; refusing to assist her and citing one of her own Educational Decrees as an excuse for doing so.

Now, however, her day had hit an all-time low. Somehow, and she still wasn't certain how, she had found herself in the repulsive body of a disgusting half-breed. Dolores looked down at her scarred hands and shuddered. Admittedly she'd never been the most attractive of women, but now she couldn't even glance into a mirror without wanting to vomit.

All Dolores wanted was to storm up to Dumbledore's office and demand that he put things right, but unfortunately that was no longer an option. Dumbledore had left Hogwarts, and while she knew she was capable of running the school herself, she could have really used Dumbledore's assistance with this problem.

Briefly, Dolores considered flooing to the Ministry. Cornelius would certainly try to help her. She dismissed this notion almost immediately, however. Cornelius was completely incompetent when it came to most things, but especially spellwork. Merlin only knew what would happen to her if she allowed Cornelius to try to fix this.

In lieu of any better option, Dolores walked quickly to Minerva's office. If this was some kind of complex transfiguration, Minerva would certainly know what to do.

The journey took slightly longer than usual. The long limbs Dolores had mysteriously acquired were completely foreign to her, and the new appendage between her legs was not helping matters either. Finally reaching Minerva's office, Dolores pushed open the door with more force than she knew she could muster. Jumping at the noise, Minerva looked up in annoyance.

"Remus Lupin, what on Earth is wrong with you?"

It would be an understatement to say that Remus Lupin was confused. He had woken up considerably shorter, squatter and pinker than he remembered being before he fell asleep. One glance into the mirror revealed that he looked an awful lot like Dolores Umbridge. He had been about to track down Sirius and castrate him as punishment for this cruel and unusual prank when his fireplace suddenly erupted in green flames.

"Remus, I think you should come through," said the disembodied head of Minerva as it floated in the fire.

"I would, Minerva," Remus replied in a voice that was painfully high and girlish. "But you see, I appear to have a small problem…" he gestured to the body he was currently occupying, grimacing.

"I am aware," Minerva said. "Dolores just burst into my office looking just like you. Do you know how this happened?"

"No idea," Remus truthfully answered. "I had assumed it was Sirius' doing, but I don't see how even he could have pulled this one off."

Minerva sighed. "Just come through. We need to discuss this."

Remus shrugged and grabbed a handful of floo powder. As soon as Minerva's head had retreated he threw the powder into the flames and stepped in, calling out his destination. When he appeared in Minerva's office he was faced by his own body scowling at him.

"Give me back my body!" Dolores shouted, visibly vibrating with anger.

"Now, Dolores," Minerva said, calmly, "until we figure this out, we need to come up with a plan to hide what has happened from the rest of the school."

"Hide it?" Remus asked, confused.

"Yes," Minerva replied. "This is far too dangerous to let anyone but the three of us find out about it. It is a complex transfiguration that took place across a large distance. Just imagine if the wrong person found out about this. Why, someone with delusions of power could easily use it to take over the body of, say, the Minister, and who knows what could happen next."

Remus looked at his former head of house and saw that she was concealing a smile. Glancing at Dolores he saw that her face, or rather his, had drained of all colour. Putting two and two together, Remus realised that she was imagining what Harry could potentially do with such a spell.

"Of course," Minerva continued, successfully drawing Remus' attention back to herself. "The two of you will have to swap places until we have figured this out." Remus grinned at the implications.

"Well," Remus said, trying to sound resigned. "I suppose I'll have to get used to teaching again." Dolores looked horrified. She made a sort of choking noise which Remus interpreted as a protest, but chose not to acknowledge.

"And you, Dolores, may want to acquaint yourself with the Shrieking Shack," Minerva said.

"The shack?" Dolores spat. "Why on Earth would I want to go there?"

"It is a full moon tonight," Remus replied calmly. "And you have an infected body. It would not be safe for you to be anywhere you could escape." Remus had not thought it was possible for Dolores to look any more horrified, but she proved him wrong.

"I'll have the Wolfsbane though, won't I?" Dolores asked. "I know Severus has been making it for you. He told me."

"It's true that he was making it," Remus agreed. "Unfortunately, earlier this month he informed me that he would be unable to brew it this moon cycle."

"Whyever not?" Dolores asked, visibly worried.

"All he said was that the High Inquisitor had requested a difficult potion from him, one that would take a full moon cycle to brew." Remus tried very hard not to even glance in Minerva's direction, for fear he would laugh. Severus had, of course, complained about this very thing, but it had not stopped him from brewing the Wolfsbane as usual. Still, he thought a little fear would do the horrible woman some good.

Remus walked into the Defense against the Dark Arts classroom, having left Dolores in the capable hands of Minerva.

"Good morning, class," he said, wincing slightly as he heard the awful voice that was temporarily his.

"Good morning, Professor Umbridge," the class droned, clearly already bored even though the lesson had not yet started. Remus took out his wand.

"Please stand up and move to the sides of the classroom," he instructed. As the students did so, looking bewilderedly at one another, Remus waved his wand and sent the tables flying to the back of the classroom, where they stacked themselves neatly.

"Today's lesson will be a practical one," Remus said, easily slipping back into the role of teacher as though he had never left the position. "We will no longer be using these silly books as, in accordance with Educational Decree number twenty-six, I cannot give you any information unrelated to the subject I am paid to teach. Since no-one in their right mind would say that these books have anything to do with Defense, I cannot justifiably allow you to read them."

The students were glancing amongst each other, seeming shocked. Remus remembered getting a similar reaction to his suggestion of a practical lesson two years ago, which he had done in every class he taught. After the debacle that had been Quirrel and Lockhart, it seemed the students had expected him to be completely incompetent. Seeing the same reaction now spoke volumes about Umbridge's ability to teach and told him that Harry had not been exaggerating in his letters to Sirius.

"Now then, the wizarding world is facing a slight problem at the moment," Remus began to lecture. "It appears that at least some of the dementors of Azkaban have defected to the side of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named." The students gasped and glanced around, whispering quietly to their friends. Remus gave them a few moments before clearing his throat with the annoying "hem hem" that Harry had complained about in his letters.

"Dementors are one of the most dangerous creatures you may come across. They are unable to be harmed by most spells or Muggle weapons. The best defense against them is to conjure a Patronus to drive the Dementor back, allowing you time to escape. Does anyone know the incantation for the Patronus Charm?"

A few students meekly raised their hands. Remus frowned; he remembered these students being far more enthusiastic back when he was teaching in his own skin. Some of them had harbored dreams of being Aurors, dark creature catchers, or various other careers with a basis in Defense. Now, however, they had been broken by this awful woman. Remus felt anger flare up inside his chest. This woman would pay for what she had done to these children.

Dolores sat in her office, her head in her hands. What had she ever done to deserve this? She briefly considered that it may be karmic retribution for the anti-werewolf legislation she had drafted two years previously, or even for her efforts to undermine Dumbledore and ruin the education of the students. Of course, it couldn't be that. She had perfectly valid reasons for both those things. Werewolves were inherently dangerous, even when not transformed, so it was not safe for them to work with normal people. Although she didn't feel particularly dangerous. She felt stronger than usual, yes, but not unnaturally so. Perhaps she had been wrong.

She knew she was not wrong about her 'Education Reform Project' though. Dumbledore and Potter were trying to overthrow the ministry with an army of Hogwarts students. It was not safe to allow these people an education when it could be turned against the government so quickly. Better to keep the current generation of students as ignorant as possible.

Thinking about the Potter brat had given Dolores an idea. Here she was, inhabiting the body of someone he was known to trust, and the werewolf had been forbidden from speaking of the situation to anyone, especially Potter. This was her golden opportunity. She grinned for the first time that day, finally seeing a way to use this horror to her advantage.

Dolores walked to the entrance to the Gryffindor common room as fast as she could without breaking into a run. As High Inquisitor and acting Headmistress she knew the password and was able to enter. Several pairs of eyes stared at her as she walked directly to Harry, seating herself on the sofa next to him.

"Remus?" Harry asked, confused. "How did you get here?"

"Dumbledore asked me to speak to you in the event he had to leave Hogwarts," Dolores replied, trying her hardest not to let her disdain for the old man colour her words. "He wishes you to allow me to help instruct your army, now he is unable to do so."

Harry frowned. "He never did anything to help us train," he said. "He didn't even know anything about it until Edgecombe decided to go shooting her mouth off to Umbridge."

Dolores was surprised; Cornelius had told her that Dumbledore and Potter were working together to train their army. Surely the headmaster hadn't told Potter to keep this secret from Lupin. Lupin was, of course, behind only the Hogwarts faculty on the List of Persons Trusted by Dumbledore, which she kept in her office at the Ministry for emergencies. Perhaps, then, Potter was telling the truth and the headmaster had not been involved with training at all. No matter, she could still find out Potter's plans for the group.

"Nevertheless, I am to help you from now on," Dolores said, brushing off Harry's confusion at her earlier words. "What exactly are you teaching them? Battle tactics? Resocialisation?"

For a moment, Dolores thought she had pushed too far, but then Harry burst into laughter. He looked so young, tears of mirth streaming down his face, holding his sides in his arms as though he was about to tear in half. Just a child…

"Remus, it's not a real army, you prat!" Harry said once he could breathe again. "Please tell me Padfoot didn't convince you we were actually training an army? I didn't honestly think you could be that gullible!"

"So what exactly are you doing?" Dolores asked.

"Defense lessons," Potter replied quietly, completely sobered now. "Just normal defence, since Umbridge hasn't taught us anything all year. It's mostly fourth-, fifth- and sixth-year students just trying to pass their exams and learn enough to escape in case they get caught by Death Eaters."

Dolores reeled slightly at the implications of Potter's words. She had assumed all Potter's friends were in on the ruse and Cornelius had confirmed her suspicions. So why would Potter be lying now? Either he didn't trust Lupin as much as she thought or… he was telling the truth. She closed her eyes as this sunk in.

Potter had been telling the truth all along. He was not simply trying to discredit the Minister and seeking attention, he was warning the whole world about a very real danger, risking his own life in the process. She thought back over all the things Potter had said since the end of the previous school year.

Voldemort was alive. Sirius Black was innocent. Peter Pettigrew was a Death Eater. Dementors had attacked in Surrey. Oh Merlin, she needed to contact the Minister immediately.

"Although," Harry continued, not noticing Dolores' distraction. "I heard that today, Umbridge taught the sixth-years how to cast a Patronus! Maybe she's finally realised that being a teacher means actually teaching occasionally."

"I'm sorry, Harry," Dolores said, and, for the first time in her life, she truly meant the apology. "I have to go. I will see you soon." She fled the Gryffindor common room and headed straight back to her office. When she opened the door she found Lupin relaxing in her favourite chair.

"Do you not think you should be heading down to the shack, Dolores?" Lupin asked her, leaning back and sipping from her favourite china tea cup. She was about to protest at his comfort in her office when his words registered in her mind.

The shack. In little more than an hour she would be transforming into a bloodthirsty monster. If she did not leave immediately then she would be a danger to the students. An hour ago this would have meant little to her, but now, she wanted nothing more than to atone for everything she had done since taking up the role of professor.

"Of course," Dolores said, bracing herself and trying not to show her fear. "I shall leave immediately, if you will just tell me the way."

Remus looked at Dolores and saw something he wasn't expecting. Rather than loathing he simply saw acceptance.

"Are you alright, Dolores?" Remus asked kindly.

"Not particularly, Lupin," she replied. "However, I'm sure I will cope. You have survived this long, so I'm sure I can manage one transformation." She turned towards the door, but hesitated with her hand on the knob. "Enjoy the night, Lupin. The full moon is beautiful. Appreciate it while you can."

Remus was surprised. He searched for any hint of sarcasm in her voice, but found none. She appeared to be truly wishing him a pleasant night, while heading towards what she must know would be the most unpleasant night of her life. His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door, which Dolores immediately answered.

"Ah, Lupin," Snape said, naturally mistaking Dolores for Remus. "The headmistress said I would find you here." He thrust a goblet into Dolores' hand. "Drink it immediately. I shudder to think what could happen if you forgot it again."

Dolores looked surprise, but said nothing, simply tipping the disgusting potion into her mouth and swallowing it. "Thank you, Severus. As always, I appreciate it." Snape said nothing, merely turning and striding away down the corridor.

"I suppose I deserved to think I would be spending the night as a savage, wild animal," Dolores said, smiling despite herself. Having seen already that her views on things were not as accurate as she believed she was suddenly finding herself questioning her beliefs about everything else, including those about werewolves. She was willing to admit, if only to herself, that perhaps they were not so bad.

Dolores grabbed the pot of floo powder on the mantlepiece and held it out to Remus.

"I need you to do something," Dolores said. No point in wasting time, after all. "I need you to contact Cornelius and tell him that I have reason to believe that Potter was right. Tell him I cannot discuss it now but he should come to my office tomorrow morning and I will explain." Remus looked surprised, but nodded and did exactly as Dolores instructed. When he withdrew his head from the fireplace, Dolores smiled.

"I have another favour to ask of you, if you do not mind," she said.

"Of course, Dolores," Remus replied.

"Would you… could you possibly… stay with me?" She asked, blushing slightly. She did not want to admit that she was terrified of the transformation, but luckily Remus seemed to understand without her needing to say it explicitly.

"If that is what you wish, then I will stay," Remus said.

Dolores did not remember the transformation itself, other than it had been painful. The first thing she remembered after the pain was the sound of Remus' voice.

"Shh, Dolores. Shh. It's ok. It won't hurt forever. You'll be ok." The words made her want to cry. It was the first time she was aware of anyone comforting her in her life. Resting her snout on her front paws and succumbing to the gentle motions of Remus' hand on her back, she drifted off into sleep. That night, she vowed to never judge someone based on another's opinion again, not even that of the Minister. It may cost her a wonderful job, but at least she would not lose her soul.


End file.
